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Struggle

Everyone goes through it. Some more than others. I feel like in this moment in history more people than ever are struggling. The economy here is no longer what it was and people are angry for that. I feel and see it in my own life.

But it is so weird that this time of year a lot of people feel it the most. What really makes this time of year different from any other? Why do you feel the loss of loved ones more? They are not any more lost than they were any other time this year. I don't know. But what I do know is that life is hard. Growing up they all lied to me and said if I did the right things it would be easy. I don't see myself doing the wrong things and it is extremely difficult.

Earlier this year I had 4 teeth extracted. Thursday I will have 5 more. I was given the gift of bad teeth in my genes. Also, I didn't have dental insurance for several, several years. I have been in excrutiating pain for years. I now have dental insurance and this fucking sucks. I still have to pay a ridiculous amount of money. I am getting help, but this really, really fucking sucks.

I spoke to my dentist and oral surgeon about the state of affairs in this country. In the past few years they have seen younger and younger patients with worse and worse teeth. It is the economy. My question to everyone is this...if the dental issue is this bad...how bad is the health issue? How are all these people struggling with health and dental issues when the US has so much modern technology to deal with erectile dysfunction and breast implants? How can we let these people suffer when we have money to print for the Europeans...who have FREE health care? How do we let these people suffer when we have BILLIONS to bail out the banks? Why aren't people worried about the REAL issues? Why is Michelle Obama worried about childhood obesity and not the economy and how many people are struggling? I'm sure millions of parents would stop feeding their children McDonalds if they could afford the kind of diets she recommends. But guess what...that kind of food is expensive. And people here are suffering. No, we're not in Africa and suffering that way. It just doesn't make sense for us to be suffering the way we are with the amount of money and resources we have. Biggest fail of the year to me...Coca Cola running a campaign to save the polar bears. I love animals. Love them. But wow. Wow. Just...wow.

What can we do? Spread the word. Don't keep silent. I've called my congressman, like that will help. But I tried. I'm not asking anyone for help. I just want this fixed.

Also, allow gay marriage. Really, it is time. The Greeks and Romans loved men and women alike but we can't? And honestly...straight marriages fail almost always. So what are you really protecting? Stop hiding behind the desert manuscript and get a grip on real life.

I've ranted enough. I'm angry. I will probably always be. But this is real life. Just deal.

What do I do now?

It's like waking up and realizing the past 3 and a half years of your life is a lie. Wait...that is exactly what it is.

Starbucks reels you in and makes you feel like you are an important part of your group. It is like that until you finally realize, no matter how long it takes, that everything they do and say is merely something to make you keep your mouth shut until you get upset again, complain and here the same bullshit about how things will get better and this is only a transitional period. Let me tell you folks, this is the longest transitional period I have ever been through.

It makes me want to say, fuck you very much for your years of torture and I hope your company goes to zero. But only after I sell my small amount of shares that you have distributed me from the kindness of your cold dead hearts.

So, what exactly do I do now? I lie and tell them I am in it for the long hall, all the while looking for something else. The bad part is, I've been out of the "professional" game so long I am not hearing back from anyone I have sent my resume to. I will continue to look though. I will not be stuck in this job. I refuse.

Other than that, things are pretty great. I have a list of goals to achieve in the future. They go as follows: new job, apartment with a patio/balcony, cable or internet at home, save $2000, invest, start my own company. All the while continuing to educate myself in the many things I have chosen to learn. When you stop and think you have learned enough, it is time to die, at least in my humble opninion.

Disappointed

In this movie. I know that movies never follow books, but when they are true stories, why screw it up? A vast majority of the population has read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Especially in 1997 when this movie came out. How did they manage to fit 4 trials lasting 8 years into 1 trial lasting less than half that?

Plus, they changed the names of key people in the book. It's just frustrating. I know I'm a total nerd for analyzing this so hard core, but I loved reading the book and watching the movie now is just making my thoughts about the entire experience fizzle. Especially when I see the people that were in the book basically whoring themselves out to Hollywood.

I also looked at the web site for Jim Williams' house. It's now basically a museum. It has a store in the carriage house. Copies of the book, movie and soundtrack can be bought there. Way to make some money off your dead brother while making a mockery of everything he tried to do when he was alive you whore. I expect nothing less of a graduate from the University of Alabama. Blah.

In happier news...I'm so happy I have Mike <3 Here's a song.

Jason Mraz-I'm Yours

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Whoa...over 2 months

Seems like longer than that since the last time I updated LJ.

First off, I couldn't go back to school. My mom borrowed the shit out of my loan and I had to apply for another one...which didn't get straightened out in time to register at all. So I changed plans. I'm now trying to save money to pay as I go to school. I'm probably going to end up going to bartending school then bartend my way through school. But that's just a thought right now.

I'm still at Starbucks. I've never had this many friends in my life. I love almost everyone there. But I had to get a second job. They hired so many new people at Sbux that no one is getting over 20 hours a week. I barely get 15. So I'm now a server at Johnny Rocket's as well. Come see me in my hat, bow tie and apron if you dare.

I'm actually glad I took a second job. I have still been playing Maple Story...not lately but I was a lot. I met Colton who lived in Tennessee. I drove there to see him and after I got back things went downhill fast. We're not together any more and he blames that on me still being attached to Jacob. He got pissed at me for not selling the guitar, so I sold it. We're still not together but its okay. The second job keeps my mind off it and I'm glad.

I quit playing MS as much and last night someone hacked my character and now I don't have it any more. So I started a new one, but it will stay low level because I'm just not home any more. Two jobs keep you busy.

Chris and I are friends again <3 I dunno what happened to take us away from each other but I love you and I'm glad we're back. I think thats why I'm back to updating LJ.

I've missed a lot. So anyone that wants to fill me in, I'd be grateful. I've missed my friends. I'm here if you want me to be =)

yo

Even though I know no one can make it, everyone is invited to my confirmation this Saturday night at St. Peter's. I wanted to invite the most important people in my life. Lots of you are here. So, you're invited. Hopefully you'll be there in spirit.

Yeah...um

Haven't posted in a while I guess. I was trying to avoid the obligatory "it's been a year since Jacob died" post that I know people were -dreading-. I know it gets old, but I'm still not completely over it, so whatever.

I'm not doing well in Psychology and Biology. It depresses me. I am trying to study harder so that I can get into a four year college. I'm actually hoping to get into Notre Dame, Saint Mary's or Holy Cross up north. I want to be far away from the bullshit that surrounds this state. Start a new life, away from my mother and her drama. Some people just like conflict in their lives I guess. I know I am not one of them.

I tried to go back and read entries I've missed, I think I'm caught up but if anyone wants me to see something, point me to it. I'm lazy, who cares.

I interviewed at Starbucks yesterday because they have better benefits. And are nicer. I hope Keith chokes. Really.

Went to see Running With Scissors at the dollar movies with Tyler 2 weeks ago tonight. He invited me to have dinner with him and Kate one night. Kate being his girlfriend. So, last Thursday I went. It was nice. After I got home, he texted me. "Have fun? Think I should marry her?" So, yeah. Yeah.

I've been thinking about Jacob a lot lately. I don't know if it's the time of year or what. Maybe its the fact that after a year, he's still the first person I think of when something good or bad happens. He is the one I used to tell everything to, and now I don't -want- to tell anyone everything. I don't want to open up again and tell someone how I feel about this and that. And even though I'm incredibly lonely, I don't want to have a relationship or a possible closeness like Jacob and I once had, because I can't trust it.

Sorry about the emoness.

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I love my friends

I was feeling really down today when I received two pieces of mail from people on my FL. Christmas cards from my sky_dark and fireun! Thanks for making my day guys!

I bought stamps today and am mailing off my cards tomorrow. I sent two packages today while buying stamps. One to Mike and another to shuki_ai. Steph...it's that copy of the Celtic Christmas CD I told you I was sending with your card.

I'm off all weekend but I'll be studying like a mad person. Four finals. One Saturday and three Monday. Fun stuff.

Love you guys!

:* (kisses)

To all of you. Last call for Christmas cards. Get your ticket punched and get on the train,k?

Maybe if I'm more direct. purple_wings, jrkarsten I haven't heard from either of you. The comments on this post are screened! I love you guys and the happiest of holidays to each and everyone of you.

/end so much happiness it makes you gag

Christmas cards

I'm updating my Christmas card list. Please leave comments here If you'd like one that is. It's a screened post.

Enjoy your evening.

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